It's 12PM right now... half a day since i last talked to her, or let's say argued with her. I really want to apologize for the argument, i shouldn't have brought up the rage and caps. But i fear that i couldn't say sorry to her right now, since she's on her trip, which i forgot where she was going... I hope she had fun for 3 days, but i knew that she would be worried about the things that happened yesterday..
Yesterday was the day i did my worst decision, which i told her about my feelings and thoughts. In the end, i ended up not even talking to her, which i feel really sad about. This morning, the time i slept, i was rethinking about my fault, knowing that i shouldn't have done many things. I shouldn't have told her, i shouldn't have waited so long, i shouldn't have hinted to her, and i shouldn't let Clement has an opening talking to her...
Then i thought about her relationship right now, Clement and her. I imagined things what couples would do, or what they would talk about... I tried to erase my thoughts by pushing myself to my pillows, but images like holding hands, watching movies, or even kissing is like popping out of my mind. The more i think about it, the sader i got. The sader i got. I sensed tears filling up in my eyes. I tried to wipe it off, but it would just come back again. In the end, i let some of it just flow out, leaving a wet spot on my pillow, crying myself to sleep.
Somehow I didnt dream about anything, which i found it weird, but then i woke up at 8AM... At that time, i felt better than yesterday, at least i don't have images flowing around and around in my head. Then i lied down on my bed, trying to sleep again. Before i fell asleep, i thought about what would it be, if I never asked it, if i never met her, or if i never even went to the volunteer... I'm sure my life might've been nicer... or maybe it wouldn't be as melancholy as now...
I slept for 3 more hours, and now I'm writing this blog, couldn't think of anything to write.... At least i would try to last this sub-blog for 30 days... But i bet that it wouldn't because I might move on, yet i hope I won't... I kind of wanted to leave the spot for her in my heart for a while, before I do anything stupid again. I wish i would cherish anything i had with her, even if it was a small little portion of my life. I don't know how long it would take for her images to fade away from my mind, but i would try to keep it inside me, no matter what it would take...
Sometimes i wonder, i never took a picture with her, i stopped talking to her because Clement was in the way. Was it that I fear Clement, or is it that I fear of losing her if I did anything stupid.... Whatever, life still goes on as usual.... i hope her part would be inside me, giving me something I would never forget...
沒有她的日子是十分之難過的..
Days without her is really hard to pass
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment