In my aim profile today, i put up..
Somehow, i feel like I'm not satisfy. It is as if my whole life had been a fail, nothing more than a complete fail... I need to strive higher, but many things had been stopping me. Lately, I've been thinking of changing myself to that old "weird" Kevin, where I would never social anymore with anyone, not to be used or played, not to be such a high attention freak. I had yet to realized that the only thing i wanted are knowledge and some important friends, nothing more and nothing less. Being such a "player" (if that's what you've been calling me "ray") is such a pain, it is so hard to deal with life. The best life for me would really be staying in that corner of mine, doing nothing except my daily routine: wake up, go to school, come back, finish homework, play games, and NEVER social. It is true.. somehow... Idk......... Really sorry for all of you that i offend by this.... ><The truth is, nothing is really good these days. Focusing on social life is nothing but a fail. Too many friends cause too much trouble, and too much trouble bring my grades down. My social life is not progressing, and my education is going down. Nothing is better than back to original...
This somehow brings back memories of me 3 years ago. As a 8th grader, i barely care about my social life. My whole day is just going to school and playing games. These are the best when nothing is in your way to stop you from learning more. I think this way is more or less the best way for my student life. I think i should start not signing on aim or chatting with "normal" friends... It is getting useless talking about retarded things over and over again. It is getting sick, everyday i would find myself wasted 3 full hours, doing nothing but to talk about some random "ranting" about school. It would be much better for me to stay anonymous as a "genius" (the way my friends call me), than being such a social freak that everyone just bother you...
It is ashamed how i get back this thought... Nothing had been a real "good" for me. Yes, i do admit that girls come to me. Yes, i do admit that i get good grades. Yes, i do admit that my family is better than many family right now. Yes, i do admit that my life is better than most of what you guys "believed" to be living in. BUT that doesn't mean I really am living to my expectation. Sometimes, I feel like disagreeing with those American born calling those "Immigrant" smarter than them and trying to steal their jobs, it is more like... Let's put it this way, we live on a much higher expectation... Life is nothing but a competition.. somehow, you strive for your goal and never stop until you reach it.....
Right now, it is better for me to be anti-social for a little while. Cooling off the current emotional breakdown (is that even the right term) I'm having right now..
