Putting this to an end

As I'm putting this book to an end..

I hope you guys had fun and memories reading it

The melody that goes around us never stop,

Never stop trying to go forward and linger inside...

Everything back to Original

In my aim profile today, i put up.. 

Somehow, i feel like I'm not satisfy. It is as if my whole life had been a fail, nothing more than a complete fail... I need to strive higher, but many things had been stopping me. Lately, I've been thinking of changing myself to that old "weird" Kevin, where I would never social anymore with anyone, not to be used or played, not to be such a high attention freak. I had yet to realized that the only thing i wanted are knowledge and some important friends, nothing more and nothing less. Being such a "player" (if that's what you've been calling me "ray") is such a pain, it is so hard to deal with life. The best life for me would really be staying in that corner of mine, doing nothing except my daily routine: wake up, go to school, come back, finish homework, play games, and NEVER social. It is true.. somehow... Idk......... Really sorry for all of you that i offend by this.... ><

The truth is, nothing is really good these days. Focusing on social life is nothing but a fail. Too many friends cause too much trouble, and too much trouble bring my grades down. My social life is not progressing, and my education is going down. Nothing is better than back to original...


This somehow brings back memories of me 3 years ago. As a 8th grader, i barely care about my social life. My whole day is just going to school and playing games. These are the best when nothing is in your way to stop you from learning more. I think this way is more or less the best way for my student life. I think i should start not signing on aim or chatting with "normal" friends... It is getting useless talking about retarded things over and over again. It is getting sick, everyday i would find myself wasted 3 full hours, doing nothing but to talk about some random "ranting" about school. It would be much better for me to stay anonymous as a "genius" (the way my friends call me), than being such a social freak that everyone just bother you...

It is ashamed how i get back this thought... Nothing had been a real "good" for me. Yes, i do admit that girls come to me. Yes, i do admit that i get good grades. Yes, i do admit that my family is better than many family right now. Yes, i do admit that my life is better than most of what you guys "believed" to be living in. BUT that doesn't mean  I really am living to my expectation. Sometimes, I feel like disagreeing with those American born calling those "Immigrant" smarter than them and trying to steal their jobs, it is more like... Let's put it this way, we live on a much higher expectation... Life is nothing but a competition.. somehow, you strive for your goal and never stop until you reach it..... 

Right now, it is better for me to be anti-social for a little while. Cooling off the current emotional breakdown (is that even the right term) I'm having right now.. 

Vacation..

Finally... 12 days off...

Things have been busy lately.. No time to blog about anything.. Everyday I'm just doing my homework and homework, trying to finish everything...

Oh well.. it's break.. whatever....

Return?

Alright, finally I'm coming back to blogger. It's been months I haven't blog about anything, probably everyone that usually read this blog is not reading it anymore... Whatever, if they want to read it, then let them...

Life, School, Love, Family... four things in my life...

Life:
What can i say about life, life is okay for the past 2 months. I mean, there is up and down during the two months and i manage to keep myself alive. Talking about good things, there are events like I started to talk to many people. I started to talk to my friends more often these days, especially when it is only 1 month (!) from Christmas. I'm already looking forward to buy presents for my friends but I'm still debating over few items for them. The turn down in life is that I found myself more concentrated on school, which i will talk about it in a bit. Overall, life is not that bad, it is tolerable and I believe I would do better

School:
Talking about school, the first thing i have to say is that i drop out of Arcuri's class. Arcuri, she's one of the teachers that everyone hate. No offense to her, but her attitude and curriculum is just intolerable. I have yet seen anyone that really like her so far. I am so happy that i drop out of her class though, since now my life is so much easier in Ms. Weiner's class. The thing that's bad about school is math and some friends. Math... yes.. math..!! Calculus BC has been a pain in my school work. It is so difficult but challenging. My previous tests had been an 80-90 range, which I'm still not satisfy (Asian fail, you know ;-) ) Oh well, I'm going to aim for higher, because my tests were all composed of stupid mistakes due to the lack of "rechecking" my answers.

Love:
I shouldn't be talking about this, but these days "this topic" has strike me a lot. I found out many things, things i should know and things i shouldn't. I notice that some friends of mine actually liked me, but in fact, I do not like her back... This is getting really ridiculous, because I cannot just go up to them and reject them or anything, and I've been feeling this weird aura (or more like feeling) around me that something is going on in my life. It all doesn't matter anymore, for all i care is not those people. I care about my good friends, and her. For people that knows who's her, I'm sure you are one of my good friends. Sigh... I wonder what she usually thinks, I mean, i just couldn't get through her thoughts... I need to work on it !!. I keep saying to myself "Keep going Kevin, you can get her!!" Even though it is dim, I don't know, never know what might happen when i try.

Family:
Family is always something important to me, even when my brothers been saying about how i care about friends more. The truth is, i rather have my family with me than my friends. My friends, in the end (NO offense) (Sorry if this make anyone piss), is never more important than my family. My friends, no matter how "friendly" we get, can only be a supplement (did i say that word right?) to my family. What i mean is that my friends can help me on things that I think my friends would be needed, where cases that family cannot help. Anyways, family is really nice to me these days. I'm not being yelled at, at least not severe ones for a while. I'm trying to help out while maintaining my school work and social life. Even if it is the case where i sacrifice some of my study time to help out, I believe it is worth the time, because in end, I'm a part of the family.


Oh, I realized i typed so much tonight. Anyways, I will be blogging more often now, sharing my thoughts, maybe? Lol anyways, good night =].

Doubts..

I want to resume, to express what i've been through... yet the lack of motivation restrain me from writing in this blog. Sometimes, i want to write a blog, yet time restrains me. Now... I have free time, yet I feel insecure writing in it.

If anyone is still reading, i realized that this actually tells most of my secrets before... But then, i realized some secrets were not meant for some people in particular.... Ahh.. things are fustrating..


By the way, smack me to encourage me to write a blog...

Day to Resume...

I've decided to resume writing my blog... NOT TODAY day... maybe on thursday.. so remind me =]

Sorry that i couldn't write on my blog these 2 months (ARCURI's HELL) ... Oh well.. I will be updating everything soon

40th Day : My Beloved Dog...

Today.... our family decided to sent her away.

it was 5 minutes ago, i was crying like crazy. I really don't want her to die, she is a good family member to me.

I guess it might be some sort of release. She's been suffering, I don't know what to say. She's been breathing really heavy, and I see her dying. It is such a horrible scene, and I want to look away, but I couldn't. I want to be with her, but I still don't want her to suffer. Maybe doing this will be better, giving her relief. I still see some unwillingness in her, she tried to struggle when we tried to put her into the car to the vet, but she is too weak to do so. We know this is better for her, not to stay in the house until her last moment, but to have her rest earlier....

I can barely type this blog right now, my eyes are watery, and my vision is blur. I can barely read what I'm typing... I'm sensing this as my tears drop on my shorts, and i feel the tears going through my face. Every tear is like a memory of her, like what she did with me or how she looks like. I can barely describe my emotion..... I barely want to talk... I would rather be with my dog healthly than being with anyone at the moment, yet it is an unavoidable fact that my brother and mom are driving her to the vet to send her away... It is awful... I don't want to type anymore...

37th Day: Sad....

37th day.. barely posting now..

Sigh.... Today went to the vet with my dog, Chow.... She's 12... a Chow Chow. We all loved her, and we all believed that she's the prettiest Chow Chow in the world... Yet....... She's been popping water, refusing to eat, and resting every moment... We brought her to the doctor, examine her with blood test and x-ray. The doctor told us that she has kidney failure, and nothing would save her. At the moment, it stroke me hard, because I wouldn't want it to happen. The doctor proposed 2 options, bring her home, but she will suffer, or just put her to sleep.... I cried right there, for a several of minutes. Then i see Chow coming out from the client room, she's so old and sick, but I really don't want her to die... Yet, it's something unavoidable... I cried again, and this time, tears came down and dropped on the floor. Chow saw it, she came over to me. I tried to touch her again, because soon i would never touch her anymore...

I tried to help myself, but I just couldn't deny that fact that she's dying... I wanted to hug her, to love her, to save her, but I know i couldn't. She just stand in front of me, and i look at her face... She looked like as if she doesn't want me to feel sad, as if she knows what I'm thinking. In the end, we came up to a decision that we would bring her home, until something really bad happens. That i know is not a good choice, because she's suffering. She's all tired and sick, wouldn't move anymore...

Sometimes, I would just think back in times. I would remember how much love i have for her. She's always there when I'm down, and i would just stroll her fur and talk to her, because i know that she would just listen and wouldn't talk back like others. She's always pretty and cute, she would never bit anyone... When i recall my memory, i always feel like I want to cry, like right now when I'm typing this... Only time like this i would remember what she has done... Sigh...

When i heard this news, i realized how stupid it is... when the stuff with Mel. Mel is nothing to me, she can go... whatever.... But yeah.. I noticed that Chow, my dog, or I should say my family member, is way more important. She's always there, watching my house, waiting for me to come home, waiting for me to bring her food, etc... Now that i know I will soon not to be able to do that really hit me... I feel really depress, and yet stupid because i realized how un-mature i was, and how stupid i was for all these stupid problems and things with only a girl that I would not be with...

I don't know anymore, if you guys, whoever is reading this, want to visit her, IM me... I will arrange it... I know some of you really like my dog and stuff, but ... yeah... I don't know what to say.. I know it is true that putting her to sleep is a better choice, but my family and i are ... selfish in a way, because we don't really want her to die... She will still be in my heart as my family member....

33rd Day

Is it Day 33? ...

Well.. Whatever.. today was a lucky day without much homework.. pretty nice.. no time to blog anymore.. so i might close it soon..

31st Day : BBQ

OMG BBQ... BBQ !!

Had fun, making food and eating... Failing at Rockband, etc etc etc ..
Basically it was fun.. had a Marnier... ..... That thing is.... Oh well ..still had fun with my family and friends. talk about it later if i have time...

Studying for Arcuri at this little moment

30th Day : Saturaday Recap

I want to blog about many things today... and i skipped yesterday .. SOMEHOW ...

This year, i have this teacher named Arcuri, as you all know. She is like the worst teacher ever, we all hated her to death. Emily, you should know what I'm talking about.... Anyways, yea, she is such a Bitch to every student, wanting them to die or something. She just want us to suffer, and she laugh like a witch .... Well, we all know we hate her, whatever..

Hoftyzer !!! Mr. Hofty is like the best teacher on my schedule. He is funny and entertaining, making the "boring" (AS WHAT YOU ALL DESCRIBE) Chemistry really really interesting. Though his teaching style might be a little harsh than Ms. Mehlman, but if you pay attention, there is no way you can't get a 5 on the AP.

Other than that, let's talk about afterschool... clubs and etc..

1. CSI Club - For those who doesn't know, it stands for Crime Scene Investigation... nonetheless, It is a fun club, a really "educational" club. I helped the club out on the club fair, even though I wasn't even an official. That day, 5 people were there to help out, but only 2 people are working. I was sitting there, screaming and explaining csi to freshmen and sophmores. I had fun that day.. It was just amazing how the sign-up sheet ratio of girls to boys is 5 to 1, while the other 4 helper are actually female. We were like, Kevin (me) is the face of the club (haha). That day was fun talking to freshie and sophmores though.

2. Science Olympiad- Hm.... They don't consider me as an old member (sob). Well, this year MIGHT or MIGHT NOT be better. One thing is. Vicktor, Kam, Alvia (is that how u spell the name?) left the club. The few top ten of the last senior year graduated, we lost so many good people. The good thing is: this year, they are inviting Dr. Maxfield and Ms. Sirianni to teach Chemistry and Forensic. That is such a nice advance of the club, getting "GOOD" teachers to prep us (lol).

3. HANGOUT??? - Nobody is willing to ask me if i want to hangout or chill around ( >.< ). Even less than last year ... Sigh, whatever, back to work time ._.

28th Day : Mom's birthday

Hey, today is such a wonderful day. It is my mom's birthday. Lawl lawl lawl..

Yet.. Arcuri still gives us homework assignment, now back tooooo work..

P.S. I hate Clement more now, Raymond, Alan, Andrew Mah all know why...

OHhhh not to mention the club fair. I recruited many people, approximately 130-150... (breaking the rule of smiley) O_____O. Yeah.. that's a huge number... The ratio of girls to guys are 5 to 1 though, mostly thanks to me. I was sitting there, smiling at those... Sophmores and Freshmen ::cough:: and they come up to me. I think i did a great job entertaining those girls and make them sign up... So yeah, in the end, i realized I'm not that ... "ugly" LOL

27th Day : fake Day

This is a make up for yesterday Sept 16th...

Well, nothing mmuch to say besides homework..

26th Day : Electron Day

I almost got the urge to go help out in the volunteer in the Election booth or whatever, but in the end I didn't went...

Today, i survived Arcuri.. once again, it was horrible. I volunteer to answer questions, and soooo lucky that she didn't question me back. I was like "OMG OMG OMG."

Right now, doing homework, nothing to do much.

I realized this blog had died down so much.. My paragraphs were long back in the days, now it is like 2 sentences.... I wish it is as long as before, with the mood i have these days (happy, not the sad ones). Think about something to do people, so i can blog about it !!

25th Day : Cheated

People don't need to get why thats the title for today  ::cough:: time ::cough

Anyways, i was doing my homework, Arcuri's outline.... Whatever.. Nothing to blog about...

Bye people                       v Fake time...

24th Day: Procrastination!!

Alright, many people asked what I did yesterday, coming home at 1 AM !! Yes, 1 AM... ONE!!

Anyways, this is the story. I went to my God Brother's house yesterday. Me and my brothers went there about 6-7, ate dinner with a bunch of people that I don't really know. Most of these people are either my big brother's friend or my god brother, louis' and phillip's friend. The point of the dinner is that everyone bring a plate of food and we all eat and talk. I had fun talking to these new people that are (i think) over 18.

We ate our food and chatted for a while, then Louis decided to bring us to pool. We went to pool about 9 and arrived at 8th ave about 10PM. We played pool and ping pong for about 2 hours. This is probably the first time I had stayed outside this late without my parents or adults from my parent' level (as in aunts, uncle, or etc).

It is quite amaze that 8th ave is pretty cool (weather) and nice (no "bad" people) at night. We went home at about 1AM, and i stayed up until 3. That is basically what happened yesterday.

Today, I've just procrastinate and procrastinate until now. I know what to write for Arcuri's homework, but I'm just too lazy to put it down on the paper... Whatever... hope I will survive this year...

Oh, not to mention about Louise and Thomas. I IMed Louise today, and she told me what happened and etc. I was like, "sigh, like i would find someone that would like me." She replied me with "Yes, Hung, you would." Then I went "Maybe, if i put my Aim Status as 'looking for a gf.' Then probably." I actually had a bit fun thinking about doing the status thing...

Oh well, that shows that I'm completely recovered... Now, back to SCHOOL!!!

23rd Day: LAWL

I made that time up btw..

I went out until like 0:50 something.. w/e .. No time to blog.. Did a lot today...

I know what you all thinking, but i still have my viriginity xD

22nd Day : The Lazy Day

Only came on to blog continously... Nothing happened much today. Don't feel to well to blog.

Anyways, some major things did happened though. I pulled off a question from Arcuri, Thank God!!! She kept asking me and i managed to pull it off. Gods on my side for once, even I'm not a believer...

The other thing is, I don't plan to change schedule. Screw the Phys C for now...

That's basically it for today, bye bye..

21st Day : Hard Work Begins

4 Homework already.. FOUR !! NOT one...

Anyways... nothing to blog about except the fact that I'm still working on my homework...

I'm not dying yet... but I'm going to turn on my brain.. Then i question myself, "do i even have one??" The answer is half and half, but whatever, not the time to discuss right now.

Tomorrow will be, or might be a long blog, since it is going to be the WEEKEND... OMG.. been looking forward to get out of Arcuri's Hellhole so badly...  Anyways, back to WORK!!!

20th Day: First Day of School (Nightmare)

SHIT SHIT SHIT...

Worst schedule ever..... i wanted Phys C + Calc BC.. they only give me Calc BC.... I wanted Mehlman before but they gave me Hoftyzer (but he is still good), i dont want Arcuri as my AP US history teacher and I HAVE HER -_-.....

Today, in my prefect, i saw my schedule... I look around for 3 freaking times, there is no Phys C on it. I was about to flip.... I actually wanted that class with Dr. Blozy and Mr. Mil... Then i kept looking at it, i saw Ms. Arcuri. The first thing i said was "fuck." That shows how serious it was...

Overall, Hoftyzer (double period), cool and fun, going to have fun in his class. Ms. Tuckman, my English teacher, and everyone said good comments for her. Mr. Wise(double period), AP Calc BC, seems like a mean guy but he is really not. Ms. Vogel, my stupid Phys teacher, i never even heard about her... Mr. Vaged, gym, who cares... Ms. Arcuri, AP US history, this is doom... Ms. Ogle, chinese, really good...

The first day, i have homework already. Mr. Wise said you have 80 mins with me everyday, your homework will be at least that long. It was right, it toook me more than 2 hours just to finish that long sheet of review sheet. It was hard, combined with Algebra, Geometry, Trignometry, and Advanced Algebra. That thing got me frustrated so much...

Anyways, i already sense the doom, Arcuri's homework is coming. Hoftyzer's homework and weekly quiz is coming. Mr. Wise Calc BC homework started... How many 2 hours each day do i have to do these homeworks....

AHHHH .. Oh well. let's just deal with it..