37th Day: Sad....

37th day.. barely posting now..

Sigh.... Today went to the vet with my dog, Chow.... She's 12... a Chow Chow. We all loved her, and we all believed that she's the prettiest Chow Chow in the world... Yet....... She's been popping water, refusing to eat, and resting every moment... We brought her to the doctor, examine her with blood test and x-ray. The doctor told us that she has kidney failure, and nothing would save her. At the moment, it stroke me hard, because I wouldn't want it to happen. The doctor proposed 2 options, bring her home, but she will suffer, or just put her to sleep.... I cried right there, for a several of minutes. Then i see Chow coming out from the client room, she's so old and sick, but I really don't want her to die... Yet, it's something unavoidable... I cried again, and this time, tears came down and dropped on the floor. Chow saw it, she came over to me. I tried to touch her again, because soon i would never touch her anymore...

I tried to help myself, but I just couldn't deny that fact that she's dying... I wanted to hug her, to love her, to save her, but I know i couldn't. She just stand in front of me, and i look at her face... She looked like as if she doesn't want me to feel sad, as if she knows what I'm thinking. In the end, we came up to a decision that we would bring her home, until something really bad happens. That i know is not a good choice, because she's suffering. She's all tired and sick, wouldn't move anymore...

Sometimes, I would just think back in times. I would remember how much love i have for her. She's always there when I'm down, and i would just stroll her fur and talk to her, because i know that she would just listen and wouldn't talk back like others. She's always pretty and cute, she would never bit anyone... When i recall my memory, i always feel like I want to cry, like right now when I'm typing this... Only time like this i would remember what she has done... Sigh...

When i heard this news, i realized how stupid it is... when the stuff with Mel. Mel is nothing to me, she can go... whatever.... But yeah.. I noticed that Chow, my dog, or I should say my family member, is way more important. She's always there, watching my house, waiting for me to come home, waiting for me to bring her food, etc... Now that i know I will soon not to be able to do that really hit me... I feel really depress, and yet stupid because i realized how un-mature i was, and how stupid i was for all these stupid problems and things with only a girl that I would not be with...

I don't know anymore, if you guys, whoever is reading this, want to visit her, IM me... I will arrange it... I know some of you really like my dog and stuff, but ... yeah... I don't know what to say.. I know it is true that putting her to sleep is a better choice, but my family and i are ... selfish in a way, because we don't really want her to die... She will still be in my heart as my family member....