40th Day : My Beloved Dog...

Today.... our family decided to sent her away.

it was 5 minutes ago, i was crying like crazy. I really don't want her to die, she is a good family member to me.

I guess it might be some sort of release. She's been suffering, I don't know what to say. She's been breathing really heavy, and I see her dying. It is such a horrible scene, and I want to look away, but I couldn't. I want to be with her, but I still don't want her to suffer. Maybe doing this will be better, giving her relief. I still see some unwillingness in her, she tried to struggle when we tried to put her into the car to the vet, but she is too weak to do so. We know this is better for her, not to stay in the house until her last moment, but to have her rest earlier....

I can barely type this blog right now, my eyes are watery, and my vision is blur. I can barely read what I'm typing... I'm sensing this as my tears drop on my shorts, and i feel the tears going through my face. Every tear is like a memory of her, like what she did with me or how she looks like. I can barely describe my emotion..... I barely want to talk... I would rather be with my dog healthly than being with anyone at the moment, yet it is an unavoidable fact that my brother and mom are driving her to the vet to send her away... It is awful... I don't want to type anymore...